pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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