Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
