Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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