So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
