There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
