No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
