the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
