I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize