She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
The air was thick with penises
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
