dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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