Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
