I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
