and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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