perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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