My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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