You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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