my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize