Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
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