he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
