I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
