hotel room ftw
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
