I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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