god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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