you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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