so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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