I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
