If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I think I sprained my soul last night
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
