Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
