I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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