you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
