I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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