just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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