Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Watching her eat just hurts me
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I need to wash the frat house off of me
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