But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
