I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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