I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize