Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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