I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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