my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
