we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
