Define "chronic" masturbator.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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