it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
