I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
