I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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