I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
