Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
