come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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