you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
