Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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