1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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