Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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