If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
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