I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
