when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Randomize
