and you said cock pushups were impossible
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
