After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
It's rum buckets o'clock
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
