woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
