i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
