he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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