you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I still have a little drunk in my system
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize
