If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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