chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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