Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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