Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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