ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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