I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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