break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
