when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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