What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
