i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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