one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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