Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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