either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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