Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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