you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize