Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
