he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
