I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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