everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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