two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
