Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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