Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize