and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
