Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
