I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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