I could have mohawked her pubes.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
