well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
