im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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