They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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