You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
