Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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