The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
