Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
