tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I don't deserve a penis
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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