So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
