I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
