It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
