"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
