You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize